Clubhouse Rules

Recently, I was invited to speak to a closed group. The group has a great mission, and the organizer was pretty candid with me while on a preparatory call about the rules that govern the group, so I wanted to make sure I understood them before I joined as an invited guest. The rules made sense and I was happy to oblige, though I’d admit some sounded a little arbitrary.

When it was time for that call, I was in Iowa visiting my sister. She asked if I wouldn’t mind stopping by the graduation party of a good friend’s daughter, Lily. The party was a joint celebration for Lily and her lifelong, best friend, Mariah. Both of them would be headed to different colleges the next year. As I walked into the festivities, I was met with a plethora of photos and memorabilia of these two non-biological sisters who clearly shared a lot of life.

At the end of their respective photo/award shrines, there was one last artifact that caught my attention – a framed declaration of “The BFF Club Rules” (Best Friends Forever). Penned clearly, and well before high school, it was Lily and Mariah’s closed club rules for their life together. The rules included: “BFF’s will be happy for each other when something good happens to one” and “BFF’s will be honest about why they are angry and sad and will say they are sorry when they need to.” The simple wisdom captured in the dozen statements was far beyond the 9 or 10-year-olds who wrote it. However, the walls of photos testified how important those rules remained for the two girls.

As I watched the two young ladies enjoy each other and their other friends, I couldn’t help but think about the clubs we start and the rules that define them. Whether they are clubs we don’t even know we’ve created, or specific groups we purposefully start, what rules guide them and why? Do the rules seek to keep people in or keep others out? Are the rules focused mainly on avoiding what could go wrong or trying to ensure what goes right?

In my ministry, I often encounter someone who struggles with “all the rules” the Church has. In my own journey, whether we are the ones communicating the rules or receiving them, the issue isn’t so much the rules themselves, but how they might be shared, how they might be expected — and yet not followed by those who share them — and perhaps the greatest challenge: choosing to follow the rules or not follow without trying to understand why they exist in the first place.

As we enter into this summer in which we are perhaps free from school rules or work expectations for a little while, let’s reflect on the rules we believe are important, the ones we struggle with, and the greater “why” of what our ultimate Best Friend Forever asks of us to be in His Glorious Club that is open to all.