Lose the Scale

When I was younger, I thought of God as a distant judge and life as a set of scales that weigh your good and bad with the goal of simply making sure that the good side outweighs the bad at the end of this earthly journey — even if only by an ounce.

Thankfully, I’ve had a few key moments with the Lord in my adult life that have deepened my understanding of God the Father and God the Son, how sin and mercy really work, and the nature of this transactional mindset I have of this road we all walk.

I recently received some feedback about something I had done weeks prior that bothered someone. In the moment, I had no idea it offended the person, nor was it someone with whom I’ve ever had an issue… or so I thought.

While I was trying to receive their feedback with my best leader listening face, inside I could feel myself screaming. My inside voice was screaming about the scales. Sure, I was guilty, but couldn’t this person see all the good I had done for them in the past? Weren’t they tracking the same credits and debits I was over the years? On the scale of my friendship and leadership, this was but a pebble compared to the boulders of my generosity and service.

Shortly after offering a “mea culpa” that I wished was authentic but wasn’t, I happened to have the chance to go to Adoration. The beginning of my prayer to the Lord was a pity party in which my inner voice turned from yelling to a whimper, asking Him how I could possibly persevere through this unbalanced injustice?

I very rarely feel like the Lord talks clearly to me. But when I hear it, I know it’s Him. I heard, “Dan, lose the scales.” I began thinking about all the places in my life, leadership, and discipleship where I was trying to be the God of Judgment that I used to imagine Him to be. Where else (or with whom) am I determining what’s a rock and what’s a pebble? Do I weigh them the same when it’s someone else’s hurt against me?

It’s clear in Scripture that there will be a judgment day and it’s clear I won’t be presiding. While I have no idea what it will be like, what I began to consider was perhaps it’s not the amount of good versus the amount of bad, but rather the depth of my authentic sorrow for what I have done and what I have failed to do — as well as the extent to which I gave Him everything by giving myself to others.

I don’t think anyone likes stepping on a scale. Instead, let’s try to weigh daily how much He loves us and how much we love each other.