Price Sensitivity

When my wife and I we were first married and both making very little money, I was told — and chose to accept — that by the time my non-existent child would be 18, the whole college system would have imploded, and I shouldn’t worry about being able to pay for college. Now that we have our first rising senior, that premonition has not come to pass, yet I feel like we have saved enough to cover half of one year’s meal plan at some of these schools.

My wife and I have been trying to guide Annie on what to consider in a college, going on the tours and attending the information sessions with her for the last year. But with three more kids to go, we’ve also introduced Annie to the harsh truth of loans and high interest rates, the costs of flights or train rides, housing, and all the extras.

At some point over the summer, a late-night conversation began about more college prep steps, deadlines, and requirements and I could feel the stress weighing on my eldest. When I probed, she admitted tearfully that “what she was going to cost the family” was upsetting her.

I felt terrible. I gave her a big hug, tried to reassure her that she was not “costing us” but that we were all in this together and we weren’t expecting her to figure this out on her own.

As I sent her off to bed with a little more peace, I couldn’t help but wonder where else in life and leadership am I consciously or unconsciously causing others to feel like a cost versus a collaborator? Where am I clear about the stakes but lacking in the support? How else may I have issued and mandated but not provided a roadmap? While it’s important that people understand what the cost might be, how am I calibrating my accompaniment for them based on their ability to make the investment themselves? In our relationship with the Lord, He not only wants us to understand the cost of His sacrifice but why we are worth it for Him.

I’ve decided that any of the conversations with Annie going forward need to begin with what every other parent who has gone before me tells me: “you’ll figure it out” with one very small but important edit. Instead of “you,” it needs to be “we.” As we approach this new week, let’s make sure we lead with why others are worth the sacrifice to us before we tell them how much it’s going to cost.