“Disarmed and disarming communication allows us to share a different view of the world and to act in a manner consistent with our human dignity.”
– Pope Leo XIV
Ever since elementary school, I’ve been on a lifelong journey to become more comfortable with rejection. After my first encounter at a Saints Colman-John Neumann mixer when the first girl I asked to dance replied, “never in your lifetime,” my father gave me some sales advice. He said, “Danny, the next best thing to a ‘yes’ is a quick ‘no.’” That didn’t make sense to my 12-year-old heartbroken self, but as I’ve gotten older and my professional life requires that I put myself forward in public spaces, I’ve come to appreciate the closure and freedom that comes with a good (albeit more charitable) “no.”
Recently, I received a request from someone close to me that somehow got lost in the hectic days before vacation. A few weeks later, the person followed up and, while I planned to respond with a yes, the circumstances of the week put it on the back burner for a few days. Finally, I received a call from my friend who asked: “Did I do something wrong?” As I explained my lack of acknowledgement and assured him it was all good, he shared with me that his thoughts went down silly rabbit holes, wondering what could’ve happened to make me ghost him like that.
As I hung up the phone, I felt terrible for inadvertently causing my friend anguish. I looked at my full email inbox and couldn’t help but wonder what other messages, consciously or unconsciously, my silence was sending? In a world of constant bombardment and 24/7 accessibility, how intentional am I in acknowledging people’s outreach to me? Is my lack of response a result of a schedule or a strategy to deny someone the freedom my 7th-grade crush gave to me in her rejection to my ask? As a disciple who is called to bring others closer to the Lord, how are my acknowledgments, whether yes or no, supporting my accompaniment of that journey?
After triple-checking my inbox, I was relieved to see that there were no other open loops. As we begin another week full of incoming requests, let’s invite the Holy Spirit to guide why we say yes, how we say no, and where silence might make sense.
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